Golf and alcohol are pretty much synonymous. So much so that golf is 18 holes because of such a relationship. Back in the late 1700s on the sheep pastures of Scottland a bottle of scotch was opened to begin the round. Before every hole, you took a shot and when the bottle ran out, the round was over. 18 shots later the bottle was empty, and the boys forgot why they were playing in the mud.
While the legends of the past were able to knock more than a few back, that doesn’t mean implementing that strategy will work for everyone. You see, drinking while playing golf can be good. However, drinking while playing golf can be bad. The secret is formulating the proper level of liquid intake. To do this we use a simple formula
Handicap + Buzz # = # of drinks needed to be consumed^2
While math is no fun, drinking Island is, so crack open a cold one, and let’s dive into this.
The objective is to figure out the proper number of beers to consume throughout 18 holes. Too much can hinder your physical ability. Too little will limit your opportunity to reach peak mental performance.
To do so, we must start with your USGA Handicap. If you are unaware of what a handicap is … you’re probably garbage at golf and you should just google it. Once, you take your handicap into account, you must ask yourself a critical question: “How many beers does it take for you to feel that vibey buzz.” A vibey buzz is a buzz of peak performance. A buzz that warms the cheeks. A buzz that kills the nerves. A buzz that embodies how I imagine Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson feels constantly. By being real with yourself and asking yourself hard questions, you should be able to narrow down your buzz number to something quite specific. From there you just plug and chug.
Here are some examples that may be used for further clarification:
- Handicap: 10
- Buzz #: 4
- # of beers needed to be consumed: 3.74165 Beers
- 10 + 4 = 14
- 14 = # of beers^2
- √14 = √# of beers
- 3.74165 = # of beers
- Handicap: 36
- Buzz #: 6
- # of beers needed to be consumed: 6.48074 Beers
- 36 + 6 = 42
- 42 = # of beers^2
- √42 = √# of beers
- 6.48074 = # of beers
- Handicap: 3
- Buzz #: 3
- # of beers needed to be consumed: 2.44949
- 3 + 3 = 6
- 6 = # of beers^2
- √6 = √# of beers
- 2.44949 = # of beers
*Editors note: Calculating out to five decimal points is very necessary for accurate results.